JH 44 Hamm on his Way to Bulgaria

Joe Hill LTD Project
The Joe Hill LTD Project Investigative Team has been made privy to a new LTD service that is expected to grow the ridership of the "rider of choice". But we have learned that the lexicon has changed somewhat by this new plan. LTD Marketing and Service Planning Manager, Andy Vobora has told some employees that "the marching orders have been given get the business community into the seats of our services. We are going after Choice Riders!"

The Joe Hill LTD Project was able to obtain a copy of an internal Email memo to the Leadership Council from Boss Hamm. Here you can see the type of clear direction and innovative leadership that Boss Hamm is giving.

-----Original Message-----
From: HAMM Ken (LTD)
Sent: Friday, July 9, 2004 2:51 PM
To: LTD Leadership Council
Subject: New Transit Service Project-Code Name CHOICE RIDER

Project CHOICE RIDER is a plan developed by a Secret Committee of the LTD Board of Directors and me. We have looked at every possible way to get riders of choice. The Board now rejects this strategy as a possibility in the near future for LTD. We are now instead going after Choice Riders. The Choice Rider is the all important business community business man.

We will buy a fleet of limousines ready to whisk businessmen anywhere they need to get to fast. This model of service will be known as the Fancy Automobile Rapid Transit or (FART). We have identified a source of Limousines from Bulgaria for our selected vehicle.

Ron and I leave for Bulgaria next week to visit the Gass-Outi-Ya Limousine Factory located in Flatulacia, Bulgaria. We are hoping for a real stretch to our dollars and the vehicle. (We hope to get a few rounds of golf in, too) We have an estimate of $385,000 per vehicle. The plan calls for 22 of these vehicles, but we will have to identify a source for gas. We are sniffing out a few possibilities now.

We plan to use bio-diesel for fuel as this will best serve the FART system. But new technology known as the Gas Trick Bypass system will allow for gasoline, bio-diesel or pig manure as FART fuel sources. Soon Farts will be flying throughout the downtown and urban area. We will attract those choice business taxpaying riders.

Our FART Fares will be our usual innovative approach and has been set at 5 cents for a day pass or 99 cents for a weekly pass. As you can see LTD will be offering nearly free FARTs and become the national trend setter for multiple gas source FART travel. As you can see our usual high quality thinking and planning has been a major part of this new system.

The Board and I are really excited about the possibility of FARTs being a huge success leading to even greater movements through the bowels of the city. As hard as it was to keep this a secret some employees have been able to catch a whiff of some of the details. We can't hold back any longer and are ready for a full release.

Thanks, in advance, for anything you can do bring FARTs to a great success. Feel free to release in your departments.

Ken Hammbert
General Manager
Lane Transit District
(541)682-6100
ken.hammbert@ltd.lane.or.else
LTD: "At Your Service

This message is yet another example of the top down leadership that is out of control and that can be expected at LTD. You should be catching wind of this plan in announcements system wide very soon. When will it ever stop.

In Silly Solidarity,

Joe Hill

JH 44